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Most of us were conditioned and socialized to judge from a very early age. We judge what we like as "good" and what we don't like as "bad" or some variation of this.
Preferences are fine and make us who we are as individuals. (I prefer mint chocolate chip ice cream and you prefer espresso) Judging as good or bad, right or wrong, however, or our attachment to "being right" can cause us to become rigid and keep us from feeling peaceful.
Often this is automatic-we begin to think thoughts of judgment and we create a story from there. We do this all day long and may not question these random thoughts, yet as we become more conscious we realize the price we pay for this "habit" is extremely high. We are not fully present in our lives and therefore being peaceful eludes us.
All judgment starts in the mind with our thoughts. In her ground breaking book, “Loving What Is”, Bryon Katie says, “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It is not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts that causes suffering.” “The Work”, which Byron Katie offers, is a process to examine our stressful thoughts and meet them with understanding. When you argue with your current reality you suffer. Most of us would have difficulty controlling our thoughts. They come in randomly, sometimes at the speed of light (LOL-but it feels that way at times) and when we are least expecting them.
Here’s how this can work. Recently, I was at a memorial service for a neighbor. The service was in a traditional church and verses were read from the Bible and hymns were sung which were very slow paced and I found them depressing. The minister in charge of the service did not know the deceased. I began to disconnect from her readings and from the hymn singing. All of a sudden I was at my brother’s memorial service which was quite a contrast from the current setting. The thoughts came in randomly; however, I found myself judging and comparing. Soon I felt uneasy and was no longer present at this service. I knew I needed to shift my thinking.
Since I was unable to fully do “The Work” which is usually done on paper, I asked myself the four questions and answered them in my mind. 1) “Is it true? 2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true? 3) How do you react when you believe this thought? 4) Who would you be without the thought?
I had to answer “no” to the second question. When I believed my thoughts about the memorial service, I felt annoyed and anxious to leave. Without my thoughts I would be fully present celebrating a neighbor’s life. For the family and friends of my neighbor who were connected to this type of service, it was perfect and meaningful. It was not “better or worse” than my brother’s service it was just different. I felt much gratitude for this shift in my thoughts. I was now able to relax and enjoyed the rest of the service. The NOW is all that really mattered. I felt much more peaceful as I shifted from my judgments. (Note: my preference might still be for a different type of service, yet that was not my current reality since I was at this service now)
The next time stressful thoughts occur, you might welcome them compassionately and ask yourself the four questions from “The Work.” If you really are determined, you will see firsthand the transformation that can occur when you go within. You are bound to feel and BE more peaceful.
Namaste!
- To learn more about this amazing process for examining stressful thoughts email me at: info@inspiredlivingforyou.com for a complimentary Ebook of excerpts from “The Work”