I do believe that the single most important thing I could ever share with you with regard to maximizing the health, harmony, and happiness in your life can be summed up in just two words: "Love Yourself" ~Mike Dooley
Tuning Out the Outer Critic
In almost all of the Think & Grow Rich (TAGR) groups I've facilitated one major issue people have on the road to success, whatever way you decide to define it, is listening to and being affected by the voice and opinions of others. Taking in the criticism of others and being affected is one thing; it is quite another thing when it stops you from living your dreams.
In Napoleon Hill's classic book,TAGR, there is much mention about criticism in at least three of the chapters. "Fear of criticism leads to failure to create plans and put them in action because of what other people will think, do or say. This enemy belongs at the head of the list because it generally exists in one's subconscious mind, where it's presence is not recognized...it robs people of their initiative,destroys their power of imagination,limits their individuality,takes away their self reliance and does them damage in hundreds of other ways."
One of the main ways to start tuning out the outer critic, so that your authentic inner voice can direct you is by learning to love yourself more.
Practicing Self-Love
Some people use to think that loving yourself was egotistical or narcissistic. Of course we know real self-love is neither of these negative traits. Real self-love is not boastful; it honors you and others. Often, as young children we were given the message that if we said how wonderful we were that no one would like us and that it was not polite to even talk about ourselves in a proud fashion. Nothing is more from the truth, yet someone who loves themselves deeply is not boastful but may be proud of their accomplishments. It is also more than just a healthy self esteem, however healthy self-esteem is one characteristic of someone who practices self love.
For many of us this is a daily practice. We can be our own worst critics even while knowing intellectually that we are loved and just fine as we are. Knowing about the power of self-love and acting out of self love are very different however. As always, the knowledge/awareness is needed first.
Begin to Embrace Your Weeds (shadows/disowned parts of self)
When we examine our thoughts, and all our shadows and begin to embrace all the parts of who we are, an amazing thing begins to happen: We experience self-love. We realize that as humans we are perfectly imperfect and make mistakes (even if we recognize we are also spiritual beings) Forgiveness of self and others is a huge part of this work.
Here are some daily/weekly things you can do:
- Keep learning and reading things that empower you to be your best-some favorites of mine: Mary Morrissey, Alan Cohen, Paul Cohello, Natalie Goldberg, Barbara Kingsolver, Barbara Cher, Lynne MacTaggart, Mike Dooley, Debbie Ford, Byron Katie and so many more
- Daily spiritual practice to quiet the mind (It does not have to be extensive-10 minutes a day is a great place to start)
Create or adopt a "life raft" saying and repeat it when you are dealing with an outer/inner critic (my favorite is one that reportedly, Eleanor Roosevelt said during harsh criticism she received by reporters and pundits, "All the water in the world cannot drown me if I do not let it in"
- Join (or start) a Mastermind group of like-minded folks that will support you
Additional Resources
If you need to work on self forgiveness and your shadow (who out there does not???), Debbie Ford's, The Shadow Effect, is a great resource. This is an interactive CD that allows you to do the powerful work in the privacy of your own home. You can do this with a group or do on your own. You can also go to the website and get a lot of information and watch a short video clip of this amazing work: www.theshadoweffect.com
My favorite book on questioning your stressful thoughts which in turn helps you practice more self-love/forgiveness is Byron Katie's best selling book, "Loving What is" You can also go to the website and see "Katie" doing "The Work": www.thework.com (To see this amazing process in action coming to Spokane in October see below under great finds, local events and resources-You will not want to miss this two day event)
Another worthwhile read is Colin Tipping's book "Radical Forgiveness." For more information go to the website: www.radicalforgiveness.com
Here is a Sufi story that sums this all up:
A young man named Nasreddin planted a flower garden, but when the flowers came up so did a great crop of dandelions among them. Wishing to eliminate the unwanted guests, Nasreddin consulted with gardeners near and far, but none of their solutions worked.
Finally, Nasreddin traveled to the palace of the sheik to seek the wisdom of the royal gardener himself. But alas, Nasreddin had already tried all the methods the kind old man recommended to him for eradicating such troublesome weeds.
Silently they sat together for a good long time. At last, the royal gardener looked at Nasreddin and said, "Well, then, the only thing I can suggest is that you learn to love them."
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All parts of you are wonderful...May you learn to love your weeds in your sacred garden!